marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
