barbara walters just said penis...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
