he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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