You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
