I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're like the curious george of whores
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
