FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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