Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
