i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
