clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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