beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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