i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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