Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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