Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
