I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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