I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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