there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
