Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
