I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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