Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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