she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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