The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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