I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
