walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
