There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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