Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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