i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
