Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
