this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
