If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
