I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
