so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
