I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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