DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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