remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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