He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
