If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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