I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
