dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
whose parrot is this?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
