I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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