I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
