I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
