nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
