i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
