I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
