Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
