i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
