Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
