and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
