dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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