I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
