HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's always time for handjobs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
