No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
