well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
