I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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