just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
