It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
