My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
