Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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