I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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