Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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