Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
